Aloha Lives

By Guest Blogger:
Johnny A.

As a travel professional and happy kamaaina (resident) for over a decade in the Hawaiian Islands, I am constantly amazed at the behavior of visitors to our sunny shores. At arrival areas in each airport in the islands there is a Department of Agriculture “amnesty” station that asks visitors to deposit any fruits, nuts, seeds plants and other taboo items to help protect our fragile eco system. As my job keeps me zipping around the islands, I constantly find myself looking for the box in the airports with a sign that reads “Please deposit your brain and any common sense that you may have below.”

Please allow me to clear up what may perhaps be the most persistent misconception the people of Hawaii face when dealing with visitors........contrary to popular belief, we do not all live in grass shacks where we sit around all day sipping Mai Tai’s from coconut shells doing the hula for each other....I promise! Another issue that gets me hot under the collar of my aloha shirt is when visitors drive our roads in their shiny rental cars at 5 m.p.h. while looking at maps and never see the line of cars 2 miles long in the rear. If they actually looked, what they would see is every local person giving the “stink eye” because eh! we have to go to work, we have to run errands, we have real lives to live, so PULL OVER! God forbid a tourist family sees a whale breach from the ocean while driving along - that is not an excuse to stomp on the breaks on the highway - again, I promise you!

And the questions........(smacks hand to the forehead).....first of all, Hawaii is a part of the United States [trust me - April 15 is looming and we do PAY TAXES!]. We don’t want to hear about how things are different back in the U.S. Do you get your passport stamped when you travel from Podunk, Alabama to Hawaii? NO! And, please, when you see someone working at your hotel, do not ask them if they live here. Of course they live here! Otherwise, it would be a hell of a commute.

One of my all time favorites is the knucklehead tourist who pretends to do the hula by flapping their arms to one side and wiggling their hips in a quasi-spastic jerk. Please know that with this behavior not only do you insult centuries of cultural pride and heritage, but you are actually risking your life. Most of the lovely hula dancers that you see on stage with the beautiful smile, long silky hair and gorgeous stature are actually tough, knuckle-busting sistas who would kick your haole ass down the block if they didn’t need to prostitute their culture for a few measly bucks.

Thank you for listening to my rant and remember.......we can’t wait to see you on your next trip to the land where aloha lives.