It's a Small World After All

When I was living in NYC, one of the biggest cities in the world, I always said it was such a small world. Sure, the island of Manhattan is only 13 miles long, but there are roughly 11 million people on that small ass island. Nonetheless, I always had these small-town, strange encounters. Now that I am living across the planet in Hawaii, I am still experiencing the same freaky small-town occurrances.

I was at the Hyatt Kauai on Thursday night for my event and I started talking to one of the banquet servers. I tell him I am from South Jersey. He tells me he is from the Jersey Shore and that he grew up in Avalon. I tell him my sister is getting married this summer in Cape May. He tells me his parents now live in Cape May. Small world, huh.

Ryan met a friend this year at school. Turns out he is from Boston (Ryan is from Cape Cod). After talking they realize that were both at the same track meet one year in high school and raced against one another. Then they talk some more and realize that they worked one block away from one another in NYC at the same time. Now they are both at Univerisity of Hawaii together, both getting their architecture doctorate. Coincidence? No such thing.

Last night, Ryan and I hit up some new wine bar in Waikiki. The manager comes over, sits down at our table and starts talking to us. He is from NYC. Shocker. He is flipping out when we tell him we moved to Hawaii from NYC. Ryan and the manager start talking -- they know the same promotors in NYC. For some reason, Ryan starts talking about the old club Chaos (the original one that was on West Broadway before it closed and moved to Houston Street) and the guy jumps up from his seat and screams, "I OPENED CHAOS"!! We made several more connections over the next hour with this guy, but it didn't matter how many more, because we already knew it was a small world.

This kind of stuff happens to me all the time, no matter where I am -- work, vacation, NYC, Hawaii, NJ, clubs, bars -- doesn't matter. And I actually love it when it happens -- I love a good connection. But more so than that, I love that good small-town feeling in world that is so big, yet so small.

Packed for Kauai

I am off to Kauai, again, for the night for an event. I am literally only going for roughly 24 hours and I think I over-packed just a lil' bit.

In my overnight bag I have:
2 pairs of jeans
2 pairs pf black pants
3 pairs of heels
1 pair of flip flops
5 shirts
3 pairs of underwear
2 bras
Pajamas (a tank and shorts)

Not to mention that I, of course, am wearing clothes right now, and have on a pair of Pumas. So in total, that's 5 pairs of shoes for 24 hours. Actually, not too bad ;)

Trump Baby

The Donald and Melania had their baby, Barron William Trump, about a month ago. Don't you think they should look a little happier about their new addition?? They look so serious -- The Donald has the same look on his face when he says, "You're Fired" on The Apprentice.

Costume Change

Just like every other girl on the planet, I love me some clothes. I love buying them, I love wearing them, I love putting outfits together. And most of all, I love changing outfits for different parts of my day. On weekends I have a brunch outfit, a beach outfit, and then a dinner outfit. During the week, I have a work outfit and then a happy hour/dinner outfit.

But no one, I mean no one, changes outfits more in one night than La Lohan herself. On Tuesday, April 18th, the girl changed outfits 3 times within a few hours of party-hopping in NYC!

Here is Lindsay at the Conde Nast Traveler Hot List party.


And then here she is at the "Waist Down - Skirts by Miuccia Prada" Exhibition held at The Prada Soho Epicenter Store.


And here she is (again), later that night making the rounds to her fav NYC clubs.


Most people must think this is absolutely ridiculous, but I think it looks like so much fun. Changing outfits and hitting different parties in NYC -- sounds fab to me.

Leo's Taste in Women

I have to give Leonardo DiCaprio major credit in the girlfriend department. The boy has some damn good taste in women.

He went from dating top supermodel Giselle....


To this 20-year-old Israeli swimsuit model Bar Refaeli.


Yup, he sure knows how to pick 'em!

Livin' in the 18th Century

Our computers are down at work so I am bored. They probably crashed because we are living in the 18th Century here at my office. We have the slowest and oldest computers here at my company. And, to top it off, we actually use Lotus Notes. Yup, Lotus Notes. Who the fuck still uses Lotus Notes? Apparently, us and only us. Half of you probably have never even heard of Lotus Notes and you should be thanking your employer (for once).

Anywhozzle, since Lotus is down, I literally cannot do any work. Because not only is it our email, but it is the entire database in which our entire company works off of. Totally asinine , I know.

However, there are some aspects of my life in which I prefer to live in the 18th century:

• I actually prefer VHS to DVD. I don't know why, but I just love VHS tapes. And if my VCR didn't get busted on my move to Hawaii, I would STILL be purchasing VHS tapes much to Ryan's high-tech-dismay.
• I still buy CD's. I don't just download music to my Ipod like every other asshole who is aiding in the demise of the music industry.
• I use a day planner that I actually write in. I don't have a Palm Pilot.
• I don't own a laptop and have zero intention of getting one unless my job decides to cough one up.
• I handwrite my articles and columns first before I type them up.
• I still send greeting cards by snail mail and will forever.

OK fine, not the 18th Century, but definitely circa 1985. Now I just need to let go of the legwarmers and the AquaNet...

Duke Rape Case

Two Lacrosse players from Duke were arrested today, for rape, sexual assault and kidnapping. The alleged victim is a stripper that was hired for an off-campus party. She told police that she was raped by 3 white men in the bathroom. Far-fetched?? Not at all.

I hate to sit here and be stereotypical about college "men" (which we all know are really just boys...), but I have to say that I think they did it. Throw together 20 guys, steroids, 100 cases of beer, cocaine, and a stripper, and this is what you come up with. This happens at colleges all over the U.S. -- it has just never happened at Duke or Yale or Brown (that we know of...). And this is why this is so public and such a big deal. These "men" are allegedly the cream of the crop, the whitest-white, nice boys in the U.S. -- oh, but wait......maybe not.

The downside (or upside?) to all of this: When their rich parents hire the best attorney's to get them off the hook -- everyone on campus is STILL going to consider these boys rapists, no matter what the outcome happens to be.

Dr. Dread

I have a 1:00pm dentist appointment (it is currently 12:30pm) and I am dreading it more than anything else in this world. I HATE HATE HATE the dentist. I don't know why I hate the dentist as much as I do, but I just do.

Here is how much I hate the dentist:

1. I would much rather go the gyno 5 times in one week than go to the dentist just once.

2. I would much rather be forced to run 5 miles in 100 degree weather than go to the dentist.

2. I would much rather be trapped in a room with 5 people I cannot stand (I won't name names at this time) than go to the dentist.

And it's not that I hate my current dentist, or any of former dentist's for that matter. They are all really nice people and I really like them all on a personal level, but there is just something about having a man peering into my mouth and poking around that makes me very uneasy.

Funny how I don't have a problem with men poking around in other places though.....

Pic Commentary

There are just so many things I have to say about this one picture.



1. I am surprised that she is toting a Louis bag so soon after being dumped by the label. Just last week, they reneged her offer to be the new face of Louis Vuitton, following the likes of Giselle and Uma. They dumped her for Naomi (yea, cause THAT's a good, positive image!) Supposedly LV said that although they really like Lindsay and her style, she isn't enough of an international figure.

2. What is that colorful, condom thing on head? Hate it.

3. Looks like her black nail polish is chipped. Can't she afford a manicurist?

4. I have those same Earnest Sewn jeans. Love them.

5. Not loving the the Chanel Ballet Flats with that outfit. It's all wrong.

Aloha Lives

By Guest Blogger:
Johnny A.

As a travel professional and happy kamaaina (resident) for over a decade in the Hawaiian Islands, I am constantly amazed at the behavior of visitors to our sunny shores. At arrival areas in each airport in the islands there is a Department of Agriculture “amnesty” station that asks visitors to deposit any fruits, nuts, seeds plants and other taboo items to help protect our fragile eco system. As my job keeps me zipping around the islands, I constantly find myself looking for the box in the airports with a sign that reads “Please deposit your brain and any common sense that you may have below.”

Please allow me to clear up what may perhaps be the most persistent misconception the people of Hawaii face when dealing with visitors........contrary to popular belief, we do not all live in grass shacks where we sit around all day sipping Mai Tai’s from coconut shells doing the hula for each other....I promise! Another issue that gets me hot under the collar of my aloha shirt is when visitors drive our roads in their shiny rental cars at 5 m.p.h. while looking at maps and never see the line of cars 2 miles long in the rear. If they actually looked, what they would see is every local person giving the “stink eye” because eh! we have to go to work, we have to run errands, we have real lives to live, so PULL OVER! God forbid a tourist family sees a whale breach from the ocean while driving along - that is not an excuse to stomp on the breaks on the highway - again, I promise you!

And the questions........(smacks hand to the forehead).....first of all, Hawaii is a part of the United States [trust me - April 15 is looming and we do PAY TAXES!]. We don’t want to hear about how things are different back in the U.S. Do you get your passport stamped when you travel from Podunk, Alabama to Hawaii? NO! And, please, when you see someone working at your hotel, do not ask them if they live here. Of course they live here! Otherwise, it would be a hell of a commute.

One of my all time favorites is the knucklehead tourist who pretends to do the hula by flapping their arms to one side and wiggling their hips in a quasi-spastic jerk. Please know that with this behavior not only do you insult centuries of cultural pride and heritage, but you are actually risking your life. Most of the lovely hula dancers that you see on stage with the beautiful smile, long silky hair and gorgeous stature are actually tough, knuckle-busting sistas who would kick your haole ass down the block if they didn’t need to prostitute their culture for a few measly bucks.

Thank you for listening to my rant and remember.......we can’t wait to see you on your next trip to the land where aloha lives.

Guest Appearances

I have decided to defy the laws of blogging.

Wait, are there even blogging laws?

On some days, I am just too tired and I just feel too dumb to come up with a captivating blog topic for all to enjoy, so I have decided to allow my friends to make Guest Blog Appearances. Isn't that so fun? (Can you tell today is one of the days that I feel too dumb to even complete a full, semi-smart-sounding sentence?). Oh god, this post is getting worse by each word.

Stay tuned for my blog's very first Guest Appearance by johnny a!

And if you are a friend of mine who is interested in posting on my blog, post a comment to this or shoot me an email!

Back Home in Honolulu

In the last 20 days, I have slept home in my own bed for a total of 3 nights. Last night was one of those 3 nights. Needless to say, it is lovely to be back home...

To celebrate my homecoming, I had a date with the TV and my DVR. First things first, I caught up on my Oprah. After that, I watched an old episode of the Simple Life. That show is simply hilarious. After that, I watched about 5 back-to-back episodes of that new reality show, The Real Housewifes of Orange County, or something like that. The show is so mindless, yet somehow captivating, that it was absolutely perfect for my first night home. Only now, I am addicted to yet another reality show.

In between all the TV, I did do some other stuff. I unpacked, did some laundry, ate dinner, hung out with Ryan and did my lunges during Oprah. See!! My first night home wasn't a complete waste. Ok, maybe just a little....

Hasselhoff Horrors

As I was setting up my event up the other day (at my favorite hotel in Maui -- The Fairmont Kea Lani), I had this weird moment where I felt like I was trapped in the middle of a Baywatch episode. Why you ask? Well, I glanced across the hotel property only to see David Hasselhoff strutting his stuff -- wearing none other than red swimming trunks. I kid you not. Shouldn't this man be banned from wearing red swimming trunks? There is just something morally wrong with this. Very, very morally wrong.

As if it couldn't get any worse than that, Mr. Hasselhoff actually crashed my Goodyear event that night (although my client was actually so excited that he was gracing the party with his presence). Not only did he crash a corporate function, sign autographs and wave to the crowd, but he was actually wearing an all-white linen pants suit. Again, I kid you not.

I went from being in an episode of Baywatch to being in an episode of Miami Vice within a few hours. It was all quite nauseating, yet entertaining.