Shit Faced!

Damn -- Beyonce is trashed, but at least she knows to cover up her crotch!

Love this!

We all Naomi is big old bitch, and throw tantrums, and throws phones, and doesn't show up in court.....but it's nice to know that SHE recognizes it as well!

Looking for Something?

I think these are old pics of Anna Kornikova on the beach, but I just think they are funny. Wonder if she found what she was looking for?

Gross!

Pete Doherty is seriously SO GROSS! How could gorgeous Kate Moss possibly be with this guy?!

Holy Whale!

When I moved to Hawaii a little over three years ago, I grew a new obsession -- WHALES. I have seriously becomed OBSESSED with them (my good friend John will back me up on this one).

When whale watching season comes along in Hawaii, I am glued to the ocean -- always looking for a whale to explode from the water. I am like a dorky tourist wanting to go on whale watching cruises (again, John will back me up on this one -- I have forced him on more than one occassion to go on one with me). I have even been known to whip out the binnoculars at my office in Honolulu, looking for whales off the horizon. I have even pulled off the Pali Highway in Maui and have stood with all the other tourists in the "scenic overlook" area just waiting for a damn whale to breach. I know, it's all SO pathetic! Yet I digress....

Anyhow, look at this crazy ass video -- not sure if it's real or not, but this shit is craaaaazy!

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5443573637644323376&q=whale&hl=en

Kocaine Kate

Wow -- the girl doesn't even try and hide the fact that she is ripping rails. Someone please give the girl 2 things: a tissue and a cheeseburger.

Nothing Quite Like Miami Beach

After spending many hours and days on the beach here in Miami Beach, I have seen some of the strangest things. Here are just a few things I have observed in the last few weeks:

• A guy who appeared completely normal at first. Then I noticed he had a belly ring. Yes, his belly button was pierced.
  
• Some guy was standing and tanning. Not laying down on a towel or sitting in a chair. Why no, that would be too conventional. Instead, he was standing and tanning and when he needed to "flip over" he simple turned his back to the sun and stood that way for a while.
  
• A nice fellow approached my towel one day and offered me a shell. He said, "...it's the first unbroken one I have seen all day." I said, "No thank you."
• A woman walking down the beach getting a working out. Thats pretty normal, right? Do you think its normal that she was in a sports bra, socks, sneakers and A THONG?

Oh, this list could just go and on and on, but I think you get the picture. The general theme is basically that people are just FREAKS, but I gotta say, it is really entertaining to go to the beach here -- you don't even need to bring reading material!

Celebrity B-day's Cause Chaos!!

So, Saturday night was another wild and crazy one. We started out at the Sagamore Hotel, my new favorite spot. It's always packed with gorgeous people and the DJ is always playing great music -- like old school MJ with a twist. Doesn't get better than that.

Finally around 2am, we decide to leave Sagamore and go to a club. It didn't even cross our drunken minds that it might be just a TAD bit hard to get in anywhere -- it's 2am on a Saturday night and we are rolling 8 people deep. The odds just aren't in our favor, even though Ryan and I have made it a point to know every bouncer at every club on a first name basis.

At roughly 2:30am, we roll over to Prive -- madhouse. After MUCH persuasion and dropping some names, we finally get past the red rope with comp tickets in hand. We get inside -- absolute CHAOS, which I happen to love, but the people in my posse didn't seem as thrilled as I.

We wound up moving from Prive and heading downstairs to Opium Garden -- better music, better crowd -- and everyone was finally happy. It was a fabulous night by the time it was all said and done.

After a day and a half of recovery, I finally check my email on Monday morning. Yea, I had a "personal" invitation in there to Christina Milian's b-day bash at Prive on Saturday. OOOOHHH is THAT why it was chaos on Saturday night?

Moral of the story?? Next time, I will be sure to check my email before I hit the town, so I know where NOT to go.

Miss Janet

I am watching my girl Janet on Oprah right now. I really do love Janet, after all, the very first CD I owned was hers. First off, she looks amazing! She lost some 60 pounds in the last 4 months (all through exercise and diet) . But this is what I love about her -- she doesn't just start off the show talking -- no way, she is Janet Jackson! She starts the show off with a bang -- with a kick-ass performance!



She talked about the Superbowl/boob thing/Justin Timberlake mishap. She did say that Justin was, in fact, supposed to rip off one piece of the outfit, but there was red piece of lace that was supposed to remain in tact. Very believeable; however, if there was supposed to be clothing still on her boobie, why would THIS THING be on her nipple when all the clothes came off?

"Lost" Promo

Oooooh I can't wait!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=07yX-PDJGmo

Beauty 911

If you are anything like me, you LOVE beauty products. If you are anything more like me, you also can't afford every single product on your wish list.

My friend Heather forwarded me this link to ELF (Eyes, Lip, Face) makeup products -- everything is $1. Yes, that's right, $1. At that price, buy every single thing you want!

www.eyeslipsface.com/defaultflash.asp


While we are at it, here are some more discount beauty product sites:

www.beautydepot.com
www.beautyboutique.com
www.makeup.com
www.drugstore.com

Enter all sites with care! And of course, enjoy!

Not so Posh

Why is she looking SO FIERCE? She always has that dumb ass look on her face. What is up with that?



And those tits -- put that shit away!

New Shows

I have a few new shows on my list for the fall season (I know, just what I need, MORE shows recording on my DVR).

The first show is Six Degrees. Last night was the pilot, and yup, I am hooked. First of all, the show has Jay Hernandez, whom I love. So adorable. He was also in World Trade Center this summer. As if the title doesn't explain it, the show basically revolves around the theory that everyone in the world is somehow connected through a chain of 6 people (except the show is just in NYC, not the whole world). Anyhow, great storyline, great cast -- I am in for the season.



The next show on my list is Smith. I don't think I would have chosen to watch it if Ryan didn't make me, but now that he did, I am hooked. It kinda reminds me of Ocean's Eleven -- criminal crew, all hot guys -- you get the picture. Sure, Ray Liotta being the main character doesn't hurt their cause for having a stellar cast, but my main attraction is Simon Baker - love him! I first saw him in the movie Something New, and just knew it was the beginning of our relationship.

Cool or Scary?

Just had to post this -- Jessica Biel and her tongue trick:

Miami Nites

Sorry for my lack of posts in the last few days, but I have been doing it up Miami-style and I was in recovery.

Monday night, I met Ryan for drinks at Cafeteria with a few other people. That Wild Berry Mojito really tastes like juice! And sneaks up on you! From there, we went out for sushi on Lincoln Road -- some place called Doraku. I was drinking something called Fire Breathing Dragon or some shit -- yea, not a good idea.

Tuesday night I met Ryan at Hotel Albion on Lincoln Road -- it was a happy hour for some convention he had been to that day. From there, we moved to Santo for dinner and drinks. Dinner in Miami starts at 10pm apparently. After Santo, we went to Sushi Samba for some more drinks, and then back to Santo for another. You still with me? OK then....moving along. (Reminder this is a TUESDAY night). After being at Santo for the 2nd time that evening, we left and went to Prive, or Opium, or both? The next morning (Wednesday), I couldn't quite figure out WHY I was so tired considering we were home in bed by midnight. Ryan looked at me like I was crazy. He said, "Midnight? We didn't get home at 12. Try more like 3am." Ooohhhhh, that explains it.

I love Miami!

Ewwww!

Believe it or not -- this post is NOT about those AWFUL boots she is wearing.

Look at her arm on the door....it is like a skeleton! Ewww! Her and Kate Bosworth need to go out for cheeseburgers together.

Making up with Xtina

Why on earth does the girl have to wear so much makeup?! Someone needs to tell her it doesn't look good!

Feeling is Mutual

How ya like them Apples?

As of today, I hate Apple. The Apple Store, that is. My mini ipod is busted, the battery is completely shot, so I went to the Apple Store on Lincoln Road today to try and get it fixed. Do you know what they told me?? They told me I have 2 options:

1. Buy a new battery for $75

or

2. Turn in my mini for 10% off the new remastered nano

Are they serious!?! They call that options? I call that getting fucked in the ass. So clearly, I walked out and didn't take either of my "options"....

Miami Sighting

Sagamore hotel. Friday night. It was packed, too much fun and semi-madness. After weaseling our way into the Esquire Party and scoring some free drinks, we walked over to Social, the restaurant in the hotel lobby. (Side note: scoring free drinks in Miami is triumphant all on it's own -- they are $15-$20 a piece everywhere you go...)

We saw Jeffrey Chodorow eating at the big "VIP" table with a group of people. And who is he? He is only the owner of every amazing restaurant in this country -- China Grill, Tuscan Steak, rum jungle, Asia de Cuba...the list goes on and on. But most people mainly recognize him from being in the reality show The Restaurant with Rocco DiSpirito.

Mystery Girl

It took me about 5 minutes to figure out who this is. Do you know?



Plastic surgery and airbrushing really works wonders!

These Boots Are Made For Walkin'

Jessica clearly really loves her boots these days:







Do you think she is hiding something under those boots? I mean, I know boots are the latest fashion craze, but it's ALL she wears. And can we just talk about how many friggin' pairs she owns!

Movie Time!

There are so many movies I want to see right now, I can't take it.

Since I am a chick, I am clearly dying to The Last Kiss with my girl Rachel Bilson. Sure, she is annoying as can be on the O.C. but in reality, she seem so likeable! Oh, and, there is a killer soundtrack to boot. www.lastkissmovie.com/

Next one, The Black Dahlia. Great cast and nothing like a great murder mystery. And it's based on a true story...so, I'm in. www.imdb.com/title/tt0387877/

I am still trying to go and see Little Miss Sunshine. I know, it's old news and been out for a month already, but it looks hilarious and I love me some Greg Kinnear and Steve Carell. www.imdb.com/title/tt0449059/

I also want to see Invincible. I know, I must be crazy because football season has started so why would I want to torture myself with more football when I don't have to? Well, I am a Philly/Jersey girl and it's based on Vince Papale and the Eagles, so I feel like I have a duty to my roots to support it. Plus, Mark Wahlberg. Duh. www.imdb.com/title/tt0445990/

Hollywood Babies

We all notice the Baby Boom going on in Hollywood right now, and I gotta say, the celebs are really pumping out some CUTIE PATOOTIES!!

Tom and Katie with Suri. I don't care what people say, that baby is adorable.


Gwen with Kingston. Any descendant of Gavin, is cute.


The Donald and Melania with Barron -- seriously, how CUTE is he?!


Britney and Sean P. I know a lot of people don't think Brit's little tater tot is cute, but I love me a fat little kid and his cheeks are just so damn pudgy!


Angelina and Shiloh -- those lips -- need I say more?!

Sunken Chest

Can someone please feed Kate Bosworth a cheeseburger?! I mean, she can afford it, they are on the dollar menu McDonald's!

Sugar Daddy!

In the new world of dating, internet dating that is, we have all heard of Match.com, Nerve.com, and JDate. Well, just when I thought online dating had reached an all-time low (Match hiring Dr. Phil), a new dating website has arrived:

www.seekingarrangement.com

But this ain't any old regular dating website, oh no -- this is for Sugar Daddies seeking Sugar Babies, and vice versa!! Can you believe this?! If you are a rich man or woman, you can find yourself that "special someone" looking for you to pamper their ass! This is classic....

The Pits

I am not even sure if I have ever done on post on Mischa Barton, but this calls for it. The former O.C. girl seems to have sweaty pit syndrome.




Doesn't she know she has options?!

1. Drysol. Can be prescribed by a doctor. You put it on one time at night, and your pits are dry as a bone for a MONTH! Yup, my hunny uses it. Works wonders for him.

2. The new Dove! I swear, I am NOT getting paid to keep plugging their new deodorant, but I just love it!

Lohan's Jewels

So we all know my girl Lohan got her bag o' jewels stolen last week at the Heathrow Airport in London.

Here are some pics from when she realized she was missing her $1 million jewelry bag:








Ok -- few comments on this situation:

1. Harry actually looks to be a very sweet, calm boyfriend. I love that he is pushing her hair out of her eyes and comforting her. I now like him.

2 . Why THE FUCK is she travelling with $1 million in jewelry?!

3. Why THE FUCK does a 20 year old even HAVE $1 million in jewelry. So ridic.

4. I would be upset about loss of the Hermes bag alone. She probably didn't even think twice about the bag itself. I won't even check my Louis at an airport for this exact reason (of course it doesn't contain millions in jewels, but you catch my drift....).

5. She looks semi-upset....like maybe she lost her pup, or was in a fender bender....she does NOT look upset enough to have lost ONE MILLION DOLLARS in jewelry and a $2K Hermes bag. She has NO concept of reality.

6. I still like her.

7. In case you care, she got the jewels and bag back. Not that you cared.

Dance, White Boy! Dance!

Watch this guy get caught on tape -- he is totally bustin' a move to "Everybody Dance Now" -- hilarious!

www.glumbert.com/media/dancewhiteboy.html

Thanks to Kristin for the link ;)

My Daily Candy

When I was living in NYC, I loved my daily dose of my Daily Candy. Then I moved to Honolulu, and I was beside myself -- no Pastis, no Soho, and no Daily Candy. We barely even had a Craigslist.

Now I am living in Miami, and when I moved here over a month ago, I was SHOCKED to learn there was no Daily Candy edition here........

Someone must had made a raucous (I swear, it wasn't me!) because Daily Candy is coming to Miami this month. And all I have to say to this is, "Sweeeeeeet"!!

If you want to sign up, go to:
www.dailycandy.com/miami/index.jsp

Hiding from Diddy

Puffy...errr....P. Diddy.....errrrr........Puff Daddy.....uhhh....no CLUE what his current stage name is. Anyhow, he is hosting a FUCKING FREE concert, for the NFL Kickoff, on 8th and Ocean right now, so I am literally HIDING in my apartment (which is on Ocean between 3rd and 4th). I would not walk out of this place, or over there, if someone paid me! I cannot even begin to imagine the chaos that is taking place 4 blocks from my apartment right now.

Wait, according to this ad, it's just "Diddy" now.....wow, I am out of the loop.

Wicked Stepmother

Watch this video -- SO funny, but SO mean!!

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3850168882328586162&sourceid=docidfeed&hl=en

Yoga Outta Here

Why is it that people who work out want to show off? I am convinced that people who work out in public have more interest in showing other people that they work out, rather than the act of working out itself. They want people to see them working out and being active, like they want to prove to other people how fabulous they are.

For example, last weekend, while I was peacefully laying out at The Setai, some woman was doing her stretching/yoga/pilates on the beach right in the middle of the busy section of the beach. She could have easily done than in her living room, but no, she chose to stand in the middle of the crowded beach to show everyone around her that she is working out. Ummm excuse me! I am trying to lay here and be lazy and enjoy myself. Can you please NOT remind me that I am doing nothing at all!

And just an hour ago, at my pool, some woman came down with her fucking little yoga mat and starting doing crunches and shit. Uh helllooooo!! This is THE POOL, not Yoga n' Me! Take that shit somewhere else you little workout slut.

Obligated Post

Here are the Suri baby pics that the world has been DYING to see. I could care less, but if I don't post them, I feel as though I am not doing my duty as a blogger, so HERE:





All I REALLY want to know is how much Tom and Katie got paid by Vanity Fair to let them do this.....

Burger King 911

This asshole has GOTS to be kidding. This asshole calls 911 to report that Burger King is getting her Western Burger order wrong. This asshole is the reason why 60% of Americans are obese. Enjoy!

http://www.break.com/index/burger_king_911.html

Loving L'Occitane

I have a new obsession. No, it's not another reality TV show (shocking right?!). No, it's not Matthew (he is forever my obsession, but not a NEW obsession). No, it's not Pastis (again, forever my favorite restaurant, but nothing new).

The new obsession is quite expensive and I wish I never knew it existed: L'Occitane. I was walking by their fabulous store on Lincoln Road this weekend, and it was seriously like a magnet sucking me in. I want everything in the whole goddamn store. Why can't I have CHEAP obsessions?? Why do I want things that I know will ultimately send me to the poor house??

Do the 'do

I have always wanted long, wavy hair down to my butt, but for some reason, my hair just will not grow past my bra strap. Well now, I MAY just be able to have something of the sort!

Jessica Simpson and Ken Paves, her hair stylist (and butt buddy), have launched a product together -- Hair Extensions! I mean, considering the ONLY thing they have in common is Jessica's hair, this is genius! There are 2 categories: real or fake (and after all, aren't these the only 2 catergories in Hollywood.....?). Anyhow, the real hair runs about $500, whereas the cheap-ass hair ranges from $85-$95.




There MUST be something wrong with me though............I am actually considering the 23" wavy extensions for $95.00. Someone help me.